Why am I...

... always the one to apologize?

I can't remember the last time someone apologized to me and accually meant it. Am I the only one who's getting killed by the silence? Do I really make people hurt this much?

Perhaps I should crawl to the cross, once more.
Perhaps I should stop sticking up for myself.
Perhaps I should become a fucking doormat.
Perhaps I should stay away...

I run from conflicts. I always have. But on those rare occations when I finally say how I feel - I get rejected. Time and time again, through my whole life. I'm starting to feel like I'm not worth having an opinion. Not if it's only gonna lead to conflicts. I'd rather embrace every single piece of shit that gets thrown in my way and take the hurt out on myself. That's fine by me... I care more about others than myself anyways.

Farewell once again, self-respect.
Rip my heart out, like you've done before.
Retreating to the shadows, yes?
Emotional self-abuse.

Hello?